is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
In America we eat man semen.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
