Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
