my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
