she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
