You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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