when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
