I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
