high people should be assigned attendants
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
