Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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