what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
