It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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