Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize
