i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
