GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
me + whiskey = a bad person
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize