Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
