he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Come on in and take your pants off
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