Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
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Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
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We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.