all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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