end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
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Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.