just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted