We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?