I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
All of them.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
These 25 Teachers Said Horrible Things to Their Students
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!