Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...