At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion