Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
