I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
