Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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