Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
