Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.