Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period