I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
