apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
