Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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