he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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