Texts From Last Night

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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?

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  (202): so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis? http://tfl.nu/6d0w
  Replies (7) Good night (928) Bad night (575)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.

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  (513): theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me. http://tfl.nu/ioo3
  Replies (26) Good night (5010) Bad night (723)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.

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  (601): After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable. http://tfl.nu/u7w9
  Replies (5) Good night (2847) Bad night (1236)
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo

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  (514): Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo http://tfl.nu/7ynr
  Replies (8) Good night (1825) Bad night (880)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.

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  (803): The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood. http://tfl.nu/3s7a
  Replies (6) Good night (2326) Bad night (848)
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  (229): View more from Georgia

  It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.

  (904): View more from Florida

  Keeping it classy as usual I see

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  (229): It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back. (904): Keeping it classy as usual I see http://tfl.nu/9n6z
  Replies (3) Good night (1589) Bad night (725)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Life is too short to have fake orgasms.

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  (412): Life is too short to have fake orgasms. http://tfl.nu/1oh4
  Replies (14) Good night (2981) Bad night (711)
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  (415): View more from California

  Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.

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  (415): Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx. http://tfl.nu/4yiy
  Replies (3) Good night (581) Bad night (926)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.

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  (407): Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks. http://tfl.nu/yvne
  Replies (6) Good night (1740) Bad night (414)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.

  (1-306): View more from Saskatchewan

  the essentials, lol

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  (306): he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer. (1-306): the essentials, lol http://tfl.nu/fcrf
  Replies (0) Good night (796) Bad night (307)
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  (650): View more from California

  So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?

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  (650): So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going? http://tfl.nu/ezzp
  Replies (1) Good night (751) Bad night (354)
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  (325): View more from Texas

  She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.

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  (325): She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her. http://tfl.nu/stpn
  Replies (0) Good night (615) Bad night (325)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I just told a bottle to be chill

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  and meant it

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  (604): I just told a bottle to be chill (604): and meant it http://tfl.nu/uxaa
  Replies (2) Good night (645) Bad night (339)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.

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  (813): oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face. http://tfl.nu/k9si
  Replies (5) Good night (377) Bad night (807)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?

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  (410): She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right? http://tfl.nu/fiy7
  Replies (1) Good night (227) Bad night (415)

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