Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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