ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
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