There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
