It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
