just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
