i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
