He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
