There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
