Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
