I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
