I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
