Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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