like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
