I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
