i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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