Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
