Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
