Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
organizing the empties. That sober.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
