I cut my penus on the lid.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
