she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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