i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
you had me at cake vodka
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
