Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
