She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
