Soap is not a condiment
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
