I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
