I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
