I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
