thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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