remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
