Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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