Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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