Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
