office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
