Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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