she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
