waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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