he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
