y did u give ur computer a hand job?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
