I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
