Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I came so hard my ears popped.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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