well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
