tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
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Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
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Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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