he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
