the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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