oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
