This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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