I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
third nipple confirmed
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
