I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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