He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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