chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
