well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
